The second session with women domestic workers under the Sapne Mere Bhavishya Mera program was held on 23rd July 2021. A total of 62 women domestic workers attended the session. It was encouraging to observe an increase in the number of female domestic workers attending the workshop, up from the 44 women who attended the first session. Information about the sessions had spread through word of mouth; many women who had attended the first session had shared their experiences with other women in the community.
The session centred on discussing the notion of patriarchy and socialisation. Participants examined the manifestations of patriarchy through their own lived experiences from childhoon and how the process of socialization process has been responsible for establishing their gender roles. The goal of the session was to help the women domestic workers develop a conceptual grasp of patriarchy so that they can reconsider the gendered roles they live with, which influences the decisions they make, such as the jobs they choose to work in.
The session began with a recap of the previous session in which the difference between sex (prakritik ling) and gender (samajik ling) had been discussed.
For the activity in the second session, the women were divided into three groups. Each group was given one task.
Among the toys for girls was dolls, soft toys and a kitchen set. They usually played ghar-ghar (playing house) or guddey-gudia ki shadi (dolls’ wedding). Boys, on the other hand, got to play with aeroplanes, guns, trucks and cars. They could play football and cricket.
There were more rituals listed that women followed than for men. Women fasted on several religious occasions (Diwali, Durga puja, Shivratri). They fasted for their husbands (karwa chauth, barsavitri, teej), for their children (on jitiya, chhath), for their brothers (on raksha bandhan and bhai dooj). They could not take part in religious festivities and puja when menstruating. They had to wear sindoor, churas, do gauri puja, and eat after everyone in the family had eaten. Men usually fasted during a few festivals, only to appease the gods. The only rituals they had to do were fun-filled ones during the wedding ceremony.
The professions listed for women and men clearly revealed gendered roles. The list for women’s professions included teachers, nurses, airhostesses, tailors, beauticians and domestic workers. Some did work in call centres, and as doctors. Men, on the other hand, could be doctors, engineers, policemen, drivers, pilots, businessmen, mechanics, carpenters, guards, waiters and managers.
After the group discussion, the women shared a number of their childhood experiences related to toys and games they were allowed to play with.
“Mujhe mitti k bartan se khelne diya gaya tha halanki mujhe gilli danda khelna tha” [I wanted to play gulli-danda, but was given earthen pots and pans to play with], said Reena.
Many women expressed that they had no choice in the job they have to do. Forced to stop their education (especially for migrant women workers), and doing housework from a young age, what other job could they do, except become a domestic worker? Several had lost their jobs during the lockdown. “Ab aisa lagta hai, mere pass kuch aur option bhi rahna chahiye tha.” (I now realize I should have learned something else so that I would have had other options.)
As women, rituals for the older women in the group were crucial because they bring the family together. They believe it is the responsibility of the women to keep things in order. “Men cannot undertake rituals as well as women, which is why our forefathers never assigned any rites to men.”
The younger women in the group disagreed, saying, “Why is it always the woman’s responsibility? A family is composed of many people.”
Older domestic workers said they would never let their daughters work beyond 4 p.m. because they are worried about their safety. “Women should undertake occupations that allow them to return back and care for their families in between,” remarked Geeta.
The discussion with the women domestic workers reinforced the impact of patriarchy. For many of the women, this is the first time they had thought about how these norms create boundaries to their worlds. “Rituals are there to cage us so that we are unable to undertake any outside work and are bound to fasting and puja.”
The group agreed that they have been raised with certain gender stereotypical norms, but it is time they start questioning these norms so that they do not perpetuate the same with their children.
At the end of the session Taposhi said: “I have restricted myself throughout my life because I was told to behave in a certain way but now I realize those were false lessons. I will inform my children about this socialization process and give all kind of toys to my children to play with.”